The Hadron Collider Star Recipe

by Ann Chance

(S) = [(Sx), (Sy, (Sz)]
Preheat your collider to max turbo – approx. 125 gigaelectronvolts
if not a Hadron Collider check manufacturer’s instructions.
1 boson – preferably Higgs Standard Model
1 tin condensed matter – use dark matter for a richer mix
1 row of proton beams – home-grown
1 pack electrons
(readymade particles may be used instead of protons and electrons
if time is of the essence)
The wisdom of Aristotle
The striking power of Wayne Rooney
A complex number of fermions
Ensure all the ingredients collide by
spinning and binding together for one or two eons.
Tip into non-stick vessel (star-shaped).
Using heat-proof gloves pop mass in collider.
Switch to Accelerate.
Check via toughened glass for Supersymmetry
Accelerate until a minus integer or the Big Bang symbol (*) appears in small window.
Note: Do not open the collider during acceleration or the star may not coalesce.
When cool, sprinkle smashed atoms on the top for added lustre.
WARNING: Before putting this star in your pocket,
make sure it is completely cold.